I Just Don't Know.
So I haven't been blogging; if you know me, which I expect most of you do (otherwise how did you ever find me, right??), you know why. (Not to exclude you if you don't: I've started a natural grocery/coffee bar. Yes, in this economy. Yes, I am completely insane, but that is so not noteworthy anymore.) Every now and then, even with my lack of posting, I'll get a new comment on an old post (as just happened) and I'll think, I should go write something. However, I write so damn infrequently now that literally thousands of little word-children clamor to come out all at once, with such a ridiculous cacophony that I can't hear just one storyline and get a quick blurb out that's remotely coherent. So, I sigh, and mutter, and grouse, and don't write. Thus the title. I don't know what's going to come out, and I doubt I could figure out what to call it even after it's done, so I decided to not let that get in my way. Now here I am writing sheer drivel for the sake of posting, lest this blog become completely dead. Ah well. Perfectionism is for those who wish to avoid actually doing anything. (Ask me how I know.)
Needing to know what something will be before attempting to produce it-- now that sounds ridiculous, does it not? But I have done this my entire life, and I am experienced enough (note the avoidance of any reference to actual age there) by now to know that I am not alone. What is that about? Can you think of-- no, can you admit to a time when you've done this? Why did you do it? A need to be in control? Fear of failure/success? Fear of reprimand/repercussion(s)? Sometimes I think I fear not failure, but mediocrity. What if the writing doesn't suck, what if it's just blah? And of course, by extension, what if I am just blah? Say it ain't so! What if it serves no purpose, changes no one's life? What if-- dare I even type it-- no one ever reads it? Was it worth the effort, the overcoming of physical and mental and emotional obstacles to produce one tiny morsel of overly edited prose, for it to remain unread?
Needing to know what something will be before attempting to produce it-- now that sounds ridiculous, does it not? But I have done this my entire life, and I am experienced enough (note the avoidance of any reference to actual age there) by now to know that I am not alone. What is that about? Can you think of-- no, can you admit to a time when you've done this? Why did you do it? A need to be in control? Fear of failure/success? Fear of reprimand/repercussion(s)? Sometimes I think I fear not failure, but mediocrity. What if the writing doesn't suck, what if it's just blah? And of course, by extension, what if I am just blah? Say it ain't so! What if it serves no purpose, changes no one's life? What if-- dare I even type it-- no one ever reads it? Was it worth the effort, the overcoming of physical and mental and emotional obstacles to produce one tiny morsel of overly edited prose, for it to remain unread?
Labels: writing
posted by J.S. | 9:10 PM
4 Comments:
Yes it was worth it because somewhere out there (yes, I am singing the tune - you know me!) someone will read it and giggle and be just a little bit inspired (or maybe a lot) to also produce or let go of something that is inside of them.
We are conditioned to want to know the outcome of something before it comes - hell, we even name our children before they are born - or before we even start to produce it/work toward it/RISK anything. I guess it is just a method of survival. But somehow I think it keeps us from surviving well.
I have come to basically believe that my blogging is for *me*!
sure, it would be cool if i had a bunch of subscribers. ((but, the content of my blog is not exciting enough to really warrent that ;) ))
but all that would do is feed the ego.... it wouldn't really make *me* a better writer, or a better person, or more accomplished....
I'm *me* whether people read my blog or not!
So, blog for you, babe'!!!!!!
And, because you have admires who like to follow you around. :D
Keep blogging! Your doing great! Although you've not blogged in awhile, huh?
Thanks for posting the Riverview link- We bought our Easter ham there and they couldn't have been any nicer!
Good luck with the coffee shop! Everyone loves coffee, so you should do well. If somebody thought to open a Popcorn Haven in town, you aren't the craziest one just yet...
Oh, I could go on and on and on about this subject, too. However, I finally did s**t AND get off my pot. I started a blog ...actually a couple of them, but only one of them is getting "regular" play. One blog, I did share with my friends and family. Another one, I told no one about b/c I wanted to post stuff there that's in my head for which I didn't want to worry about being judged in some way shape or form. I wanted to just be me, and I couldn't care less if no one read it. (Probably no one has. Like I said, who cares, right?) A third blog, I did tell a couple of friends about. It does get read b/c it's an a site that gets some major play as result of its subject matter. (A certain sport.) ...and I do post deeper feelings here surrounding that sport and what it's done for me, what I've done with it...and so on. I post stuff most people don't share, wouldn't dare share and in such length that each post is the length of a book chapter. I don't care. It's me. It's how I write. It's highly descriptive. If someone doesn't like it, so what. I know others do. More importantly, I like it. So, I keep going with this one more than the other two.
I like your writings and have since we first met ...oh...what's it been...3 or 4 years now? (Not that we get to see each other much, talk much...or even write much. But there is FB--when I'm actually on it--and RS.) Anyway, your thoughts are "real", and they ping-pong like mine do (like they do for many!). Keep going. Write whatever. Who cares if most don't understand. Someone does. And You do. That's all that matters. :)
Now...I have to hit some sorta profile in order to post this bugger to your comments. So, the name that shows up will probably not be the one you recognize elsewhere. I'm cryptic on various sites and use different names here and there. In fact, I'm not sure which name will show up. But perhaps this will help you figure out who this is: Namasté
Post a Comment
<< Home