Sunday Morning Thoughts

Sitting on the swing outside this morning, I thought of those well-intentioned comments people make about my parenting when they see me with what's considered a "well-behaved baby." People see me with Iris, who is just off-the-charts darling, and they say "You're such a great mom!" The thing is, my babies always make me look good. Both have been sweet, adorable, and cuddly. I wear them most of the time when we're out, so they are generally content. Even when they get mad, well, it's a baby, ya know? Babies are just too damn cute no matter what they do.

What the heck is a "good baby," anyway? How does one go about being bad at being a baby?

Now don't get me wrong-- attachment parenting is important, and crucially so. But there is huge risk inherent in taking too much credit-- or responsibility-- for the behaviors of our kids at any age. So much of who our kids are is completely outside our control. As they grow older and more and more into themselves as individuals, they will make choices that will differ from the ones we would make for them. (Don't think so? Think attachment parenting will protect you from this heartache? Guess again!) They will behave differently than we expected. We may be tempted to take credit for their accomplishments and responsibility for their mistakes, neither of which are ours to claim. And that, fellow parents, is deadly dangerous. Taking credit for what our kids achieve steals power that rightfully belongs to them, weakening them over time and reducing their ability to continue to achieve for intrinsic reward. And taking responsibility for their mistakes disempowers them even further, not only teaching them they can't solve their own problems, but worse, implying that someone else is always to blame when things go wrong and they can't craft their lives for themselves. Now there's a prescription for time on the therapist's couch...

And with that, I think it's time for a second pot of coffee :) Happy Sunday!